I’m sitting right here attempting to work out why PGA Tour 2K23 is the best online game of all time.

Rationally, objectively and empirically it can’t be. It lacks the emotional intestine punch of Last Fantasy VII, the engineering creativity of Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom, the immersive storytelling of Purple Useless Redemption or the existential horror of The Evil Inside, however I actually did have enjoyable writing that sentence and hope in a roundabout way AI algorithms make it the headline for this recreation on Metacritic.

There’s nothing new. You’re nonetheless hitting a ball right into a gap earlier than others do. They don’t change the offside rule in golf each season or introduce VAR to examine whether or not Phil Mickelson has put a guess on earlier than his newest stroke.

In fact, it now has all these grinding rewards that sports activities video games really feel are indispensable, full with repugnant makes an attempt to lure me into them faster by squeezing vile microtransactions from me – however these are simply ignored by placing my bank cards within the microwave.

I’ve all the time beloved golf video games. Within the 90s, buddies and I performed PGA on the Mega Drive into the smallest of wee hours, Mario Golf by no means left my Recreation Boy Color and All people’s Golf was simply pleasure.

I fell out of affection with golf video games, although, after they began buggering about with the management system. I discovered makes an attempt to duplicate a swing on a joypad by flicking up and down with the thumbstick totally left-handist. There was additionally the trackball insanity of Golden Tee Golf which nonetheless sucks me in after 4 pints in a pub like an fool who has simply had 4 pints in a pub. The nadir of this was my 2010 Christmas Day with Tiger Woods – the one time my spouse revealed she DOES hearken to my whines by giving me his golf recreation on the Wii. You can use the controller to do actual golf swings! I assumed THAT was going to be the best recreation ever! The subsequent factor I knew, my decrease again felt prefer it was being stabbed by Santa’s indignant elves. That recreation went within the bin subsequent to no matter it was my youngsters had already damaged by Boxing Day.

I practically bought pulled again in by Mario Golf: Tremendous Rush, however the trailer made it appear like taking part in golf on cocaine. I did that on a stag weekend within the 90s and it was probably the most silly assembly of issues since fish and gravy, or Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.

However I noticed PGA Tour 2K23 whereas trapped on the couch with a man-cold searching for consolation. And inside minutes it was Buddies Reunited another time.

I hate taking part in actual life golf. I don’t have the persistence. There are too many issues that may go fallacious. Too many issues to calculate earlier than you even take a shot. Distance, wind, bounce, inexperienced pace, appropriate garments. Golf video video games do all that for you and OH MY GOD I HAVE JUST WORKED OUT WHY THIS IS THE BEST GAME EVER!

Have you learnt what the largest issues with video video games are if you end up a dad in his 50s?

Accountability. The very factor that after made video games nice. SimCity allowed us to develop city infrastructure aged eight. Championship Supervisor gave youngsters accountability for soccer groups. The Final of Us had us making selections for a complete civilisation.

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That’s fine when you are younger. When you are actively trying to experience the things in life you are not old or qualified enough to do. But as a father of three in my 50s, I have had enough responsibility to last me a lifetime. I am sick of it. I want to surrender myself to a higher power, or even just an alpha human to tell me what to do. I want to be looked after. I am sick of looking after people and things. And most video games make you do that.

Except golf games. They look after you. They automatically select the best club. They never lose your ball. Each shot is lined up straight down the middle as a default. All you have to do is click a button three times like Dorothy clicking her heels and you feel completely at home. It’s the simplicity of being a child again. Tap something three times. Look at the pretty pictures. It wraps you in swaddling clothes. It almost returns you to the womb.

Unlike many video games at my age, there is no frustration. No boredom. No feeling I am wasting my time. I’m out and about in the fresh air. I am seeing the world. Even failure doesn’t seem so bad in this game. I failed to earn a spot on the Korn Ferry Tour. That’s fine with me. I don’t even like Korn.

I cannot think of anything in 45 years as a gamer I have found as easy and satisfying as pinging a ball 300 yards down a fairway. It’s comforting and rewarding. Like pulling a weed from the ground, making it through a traffic light before it switches to red, or getting a pair of trousers to fit you in Hollister. It’s like squeezing a stress ball. It’s the same panacea as a good soup. A reminder of something ever rarer as we progress through life: that occasionally things can still be wonderfully perfectly simple and undemanding.